Lessons Learned

This past weekend I was at the lake with a group of women celebrating my college roommate's upcoming wedding. It seems like anytime a friend gets married or has a new baby, I get really reflective about my major life events. I've learned a lot of lessons about myself, marriage, and family over the course of the past 5+ years. Sometimes learning lessons is easy, but sadly most of the time they are learned the hard way. I'm guessing my readers have all learned some new lessons about life then they go through the milestones of life. Below are some highlights of some of the important lessons I've learned:

1. I didn't love my husband as much on my wedding day as I do now. This may sound shocking, but I had no idea how to be a wife or really love someone on the day I said, "I do." Was I in love? Yes. Did I love my husband the way I should, and now do? No. Marriage is not for the stubborn, insensitive, and cold. I was all three and then some. Unfortunately it took us going through the devastating loss of trying to start a biological family for me to understand how to really love my husband. It's sad that it took such a low time in our lives for me to really start being the wife I was supposed to have been all along. Since then I am much slower to anger and quicker to apologize. I pick my battles. I value and desire the partnership that marriage creates. Respect is the priority.

2. I can't and do not want to do it all by myself. Delegate. Delegate. Delegate. Even if I have to remind him/her of what to do, I must share responsibilities with others. If I don't, I'm going to wear myself down to a worthless heap. I can count on others to do things, and they will get done. **Still working on this, but I'm trying!**

3. Stephen can handle it. I recently was gone for an entire weekend. My husband kept our four month old. He navigated the weekend beautifully and reports that he enjoyed the bonding time with Evie. As hard as I found it to leave her, I am overjoyed to see how much closer they grew over the weekend. It makes the mommy-guilt I felt for having left her for the weekend disappear.

4. Throw the plans I have for my life out the window. I have no idea what the next year, 5 years, or 10 years look like for us. I'm not trying to map it out either. I've found trying to make plans is almost always a complete waste of thought and energy. It seems like the more I try to plan, the further reality takes us from those plans. I'm working on just saving the energy that I would have spent on planning and putting it into enjoying what I have right now.

5. I have less friends. Wow, that looks really sad typed out like that. It's the truth though. I have less friends now than before I was married or added a baby to our family. I do have some friends. These friends are really valued, trusted, and treasured. I feel like I had a lot of friends before now, but I'm seeing how superficial those relationships were. After going through the ups and downs, you lose a lot of friends who either can't stand to see you happy or just can't stand to see you suffering. I think this is natural, but you go into these chapters of your life thinking that you'll remain BFF with everyone forever. Not the case, my friend.